Why I hate Homewood

I now officially hate the city of Homewood. Yesterday I had lunch at a sports bar called P.T.'s. Their restaurant shares a small parking lot with Mexico Lindo. At this location (as with several in Homewood) you are forced to use valet parking. I was annoyed but tolerant. I gave the valet my keys and went to eat.

Upon exiting the restaurant after lunch, I told the valet that my car was the silver Jetta. He did a quick scan of the parking lot, pointed to my car and said, "it's right over there."

Now, since I didn't particularly want to tip him for a service I didn't want in the first place, I was actually glad for his rudeness. I can get my own car. However, he didn't have the keys. They were "on the left rear tire," he told me. Great place for them. That way anyone who wants to test drive a new Jetta doesn't have to bother going to a dealership.

When we got to the car, Misty noted that the rear bumper was touching the guard rail behind it. We pulled the car out, and, sure enough, the paint was scratched up and the bumper was bowed slightly.

So I bring Vinny Valet over to see the damage. "Oh, I'm really sorry," he says. "Are you going to want to get that repaired?" Granted, the damage is small, and if I were the guy who backed someone else's car into a guard rail, I would hope that the owner would simply say, "Nah, don't worry about it." But I would never be so bold as to raise such a question out loud. He should have immediately offered to pay for whatever it was. But then, consider who we've been dealing with in this story.

The valet called his boss and talked to him about the incident. Then he gave me his boss' business card, telling me that I could call tomorrow and the valet company would pay for the damages. Not only am I going to do that, I'm also going to write letters to P.T.'s and Mexico Lindo informing them that as long as they continue to require me to use valet parking, I will not be dining at their establishments.

All this because the pretentious snots in Homewood can't bear the thought of walking 12 feet in the summer sun from their Lexus to the restaurant door. Misty's sentiments summed things up perfectly. She mentioned that Homewood has an annual "We Love Homewood Day" parade and said that she'd rather go to the "Homewood Can Kiss My Ass Day" parade.